Killing Viktor
by Jade Straight
Summary: Hermione visits Viktor, barely lasts 3 days. Alot of dancing to um...weird music. Aside from Hermiones gameboy everything blew up. Rons trunk is overflowing, yada yada. Oh and Hermiones going nuts!


"Look here! I've an idea we've been working this thing from the wrong end."   
-Lord Peter Wimsey  
  
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"Hey Viktor!" Hermione shouted out to Viktor. Hermione Granger had currently got of a plane from England to Bulgaria. She was spending the vacation with Viktor Krum, World-famous seeker. Viktor smiled and made his way to her. Before she could ask how he had been or how long he had been waiting he started singing:  
"Zuger and Zpice,  
Her-my-o-ninny, you are nice.  
Oh Her-my-o-ninny,  
You are so Zkinny.  
Your air is zo brown...uh..um...  
look down... no vait!  
You EYES are zo brown,  
pleze look down.  
Your air is alzo brown,  
Plaze on it a crown.  
I love your lipz,  
and your hipz.  
You are... um I cant zeem to remember zat part. Zorry I vill make vun on ze spot"  
Hermione who had been staring horror-struck at him stifled a laugh and said "oh...um...no zats- I mean, that's quite alright...um...i'll live...er...thanks? Oh right how are you?" 

Hermione dropped her purse and hugged him. The airport was quite cold. Hermione wished she had listened to her mother and wore warmer clothes. The ride back to Viktor's flat was quite quick. Seeming that Viktor could enchant his car to fly (much like Mr. Weasley) and yelled at some quite stunned parachutists. Viktor's flat was beautiful. It consisted of three rooms, a kitchen and quite a large living room. He no longer lived with his parents. when Hermione entered the guestroom she was shocked at how gorgeous it was. There was a large bay window that covered one wall of the room. There was a window seat and a quite magnificent bed and dresser. After unpacking, Hermione joined Viktor in the kitchen. She sat at the table. He immediately got up and put on a quite funny tune on the CD player and proceeded to astonish Hermione by doing the can-can around the table.

"Can you? Can you do de can can?" he sang "can you do de can can can? Can you do de-" "Um...Viktor" Hermione interrupted "what exactly are you doing?". Viktor stopped and said "You zon't like it? Oh yez you are not Irish you lizen to ze rock an roll!" 

Hermione frowned "um...Viktor? Yes i'm not Irish and the Irish don't do the can-can. The French do but I don't think you will see any of them do it any time soon and yes, I don't mind rock, although I do like-"

"say no more Her-my-o-ninny! I vill do it!" said Viktor

Before Hermione could utter another word. He pointed his wand the window and said "Accio guitar!"

Smash! In came a base-guitar floating in mid-air followed by a man who had grabbed on to its wire. Viktor gulped then dived under the table. Soon six ministry wizards apparatted around the table. Two of them went to calm the unfortunate man who was the shopkeeper. One examined the guitar. The other three started questioning Hermione.   
"Did you summon the guitar?"  
"No,"  
"Do you know how much trouble you- er the person has caused?"  
"Yes" said Hermione eyeing Viktor under the table.  
"Can I see your wand?" Hermione nodded  
"Priori Incanto" said the wizard.  
The wand showed a pair of shoes turning into bunnies.  
"I go to Hogwarts" said Hermione sheepishly.  
"Do you know who did it?" asked a man  
Hermione hesitated  
"no"  
"no?"  
"NO!"  
A man sighed then decided to perform a memory charm on the salesperson and leave with the guitar... maybe stop for some doughnuts. As soon as the Obliviators dissaparated Hermione started on Viktor. However, Viktor was actually playing with one of her enchanted game boys under the table and couldn't hear what she was saying. He did occasionally catch words like "...I could've been expelled..." and "...What were you thinking..." 

At last she gave it a rest and decided to retire to her room...Viktor spent the night under the table playing Hermione's gameboy.  
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Next Day:  
"Hello Viktor"  
"Hello Her-my-o-ninny"  
"Im going to go shopping, ok?"  
"alright Her-my-o-ninny"  
  
That night:  
"Hi Viktor"  
"Hello Her-my-o-ninny"  
"goodnight"  
"goodnight"  
  
That was very boring. Everything was normal unless you consider the fact Viktor was all the time playing Hermiones Gameboy under the table.   
  
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"Her-my-o-ninny?"  
"hmmm?"  
"Her-my-o-ninny!"  
"What!!!???"  
"The batteries in this Gameboy ran out!"  
"VIKTOR YOU IDIOT! YOU WOKE ME UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO TELL ME YOUR BATTERIES HAVE RUN OUT! DONT YOU GET ANY SLEEP!"  
"oh...no"  
"GRRRRRRRRRRR"  
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"Her-my-o-ninny?"  
"ughhhh...what do you want now?"  
"umm...Your laptop blew up..."  
"Viktor, Please! for once in- MY WHAT!"  
"I plugged it in the little run-man-"  
"walk man"  
"walk-man and it blew up."  
"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
"I can fix it!"  
"NO!"  
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Hermione woke up early in the morning to start packing...Viktor had taken his usual position under the table playing Hermione's Gameboy (god knows where more batteries came from)   
"I'm leaving Viktor!"  
"Bye bye Her-my-o-ninny"  
"Yeah!" Hermione said savagely  
"Do you want your Laptop? Or Gameboy or TV?"  
"No you can- what about my TV?"  
"Oh last night I blew your mini TV up as well."  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"  
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At platform 9 3/4   
"How was your visit?" Harry said cheerfully to Hermione, as Ron grumbled about his heavy trunk.  
"Shut up!" She said pushing her way to the train.  
"What's up with her?" asked Harry  
"Dunno...could you help me with this?"  
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All belong to J.K except the clueless shopkeeper and the doughnut greedy Obliviators. Review please, I tried to make it funny forgive me for typos e.t.c. Apart Hermione's Gameboy everything blew up. And because of the can-can and pop music I don't think Hermione will be talking to Viktor for a long time!  
Re-written version. I took out all the typos and things...


End file.
